Sometimes I think I’m better off
To turn out the lights and close up shop
And give up the longing, believing in belonging
Just hold down my head and take the loss

You’d think that I’d learn my lesson by now
You’d think that I’d somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You’re bound to feel the flame

You’d think that I’d learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out, I haven’t learned a thing

-Daughtry, “Learn My Lesson”

It’s funny.  I really like this song.  But isn’t the whole point to NOT learn our lesson?  Or at least the way he means it?

I mean, I’m not saying that we should continually hitch ourselves up or associate with unhealthy people.  That’s not the point.  That’s a given, and a learned behavior, and hard sometimes to know healthy people from unhealthy.

What I do mean is that it’s impossible to love without being hurt.  I can’t deny the longing that God has placed inside of me for intimacy.  With Him.  With a woman.  It keeps me from closing up shop.  It drives me right through the pain.  It keeps me believing in belonging, that yes, there IS someone out there for me.  I’ve never for a minute, even after a divorce and some really silly and disappointing relationships, put a blanket statement on all women or all people and given up.  God is here with me, but I and everyone else on the planet was created for relationship.  Not performance, not efficiency, not pride in our talents, not striving or trudging forward day after day.  RELATIONSHIP.  A safe place to be real and vulnerable.  Where I can screw up and the person doesn’t leave.

It’s what God means in 1 John 1:7.  And it’s oft misinterpreted.  It doesn’t mean we just have relationship with HIM.  It means we have it with each OTHER.  I feel like closing up shop, taking the loss; we all do sometimes.  I drive myself right through the pain, so I can grow.  I don’t want to learn a thing.  I want to stay ignorant, to keep trying, searching, growing.  Break the rules.  Never give up.  Never stop believing.  Love is priceless, it has no determinable cost.  It is a price we cannot pay.

I don’t want to learn that lesson.

. . unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven —Matthew 5:20

The characteristic of a disciple is not that he does good things, but that he is good in his motives, having been made good by the supernatural grace of God. The only thing that exceeds right-doing is right-being. Jesus Christ came to place within anyone who would let Him a new heredity that would have a righteousness exceeding that of the scribes and Pharisees. Jesus is saying, “If you are My disciple, you must be right not only in your actions, but also in your motives, your aspirations, and in the deep recesses of the thoughts of your mind.” Your motives must be so pure that God Almighty can see nothing to rebuke. Who can stand in the eternal light of God and have nothing for Him to rebuke? Only the Son of God, and Jesus Christ claims that through His redemption He can place within anyone His own nature and make that person as pure and as simple as a child. The purity that God demands is impossible unless I can be remade within, and that is exactly what Jesus has undertaken to do through His redemption.

No one can make himself pure by obeying laws. Jesus Christ does not give us rules and regulations— He gives us His teachings which are truths that can only be interpreted by His nature which He places within us. The great wonder of Jesus Christ’s salvation is that He changes our heredity. He does not change human nature— He changes its source, and thereby its motives as well.

-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

This pretty much wraps it up, doesn’t it?  My morality, the following of rules and regulations, cannot “remake” me.  If the motives of my heart are just to be moral, then I’m like “like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.”  (Matt. 23:27), and worst of all, no love abides there.  Just a desire to be moral.  To be good enough.

Jesus is the only one who can change my heart and settle it.  To bring me first to a place of peace and calm so that I can understand his teachings and hear his voice, and then act on whatever He is telling me to do, even if it is to just be still and wait.  Maybe that’s why His voice is so still and so small.  Otherwise, He’d have to be constantly yelling at me over the noise!  Love can only come from a peaceful and quiet place, and that is what Jesus desires in me.  To just be instead of do.

Very interesting…this is the first time I’ve revisited my blog in a LONG TIME.  (and I’m still getting hits on that “camelback cricket” post, but that’s another story)

I read my post from last July, shortly after a relationship had ended with a kind-hearted, caring woman that I cared deeply about.  Problem is, I didn’t realize this until this past March.  In any case, it took me a while to get my head and my heart straight, but I got there.  In the meantime, we got back together and broke up again.  This has been frustrating and hard for me.  But I’ve been able to work through it; the working through has been hard and frustrating as well.

Also in the meantime, I’ve been blessed with a bernese mtn dog/border collie mix named Big Mike:

Big Mike

He’s great on the leash, great with other dogs, doesn’t bark at visitors in the house, and is very laid back.  You can go to my facebook page for more photos and stories.  I thank God for him.

Life is busy.  I’m in a band called “reMastered”; our name was previously “InsideOut”.  Our facebook page is here.  It will be changing soon.

I’m addicted to facebook.  My page is here.

I’m on my worship team at church.

I play golf on Tuesday nights.

I’m still going to counseling on Fridays, and it’s pretty stinkin awesome the growth that I’ve experienced there.

I play Call of Duty:  Black Ops pretty religiously on a weekly basis on Xbox 360.

And, I’ve been involved in and heard of a situations where communication has been essential (as in all relationships), but has broken down.  That’s the point of this post.

Here are some things I’ve learned from these situations:  where (seriously) kind-hearted, well-intentioned folks, put an end to communications and friendships/relationships with others rather than speaking the truth in love for fear of “hurting their feelings”:

A.  The other person’s feelings are hurt worse by cutting off the relationship and all communication.
B.  Neither of you grow as a person because (1) you’re not taking steps to overcome your fears, and (2) the other person doesn’t grow because they don’t hear your constructive criticism; even if your perspective isn’t right, there might be something to be learned by both of you.
C.  A relationship that could’ve grown and matured between two mature people is ended.

I run into this way too often.  We really need to do what we can today and every day to overcome our fears and speak truth into people’s lives.  If they get upset and leave, they’re emotionally immature, don’t want to change, and need help in that area.  If they hear you and receive what you have to say, even if they disagree, both parties are better off for having had the conversation.

We’re made in God’s image and made to be in community with each other:

“If we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

-1 John 1:7

I can’t remember if I’ve posted about this before, but people commonly misinterpret this verse.  “fellowship with one another” doesn’t mean (just) between us and God, it means between us human beans!  We were created for fellowship with one another.  Don’t let hurt feelings keep that from happening in your life.  Step out.  See who your real friends are.  See who stays.  See who leaves.  Trust that God will place mature and safe people in your life that you can have a deep, meaningful relationship with.

Recently I’ve become addicted to FaceBook. I have accumlated many friends (over 100), gotten in touch with high school friends and acquaintances that I haven’t spoken to in many years, and had fun commenting on folks’ posts, as well as posting some interesting YouTube videos, etc. But none of my deeper thoughts ever really make it on there. I haven’t blogged much at all recently, but I guess in the back of my mind I’ve been reserving this spot for the deeper things that I ponder (although, I’ll admit, I’ve blogged about sports ticket prices, the San Antonio Spurs, and the blog entry that continues to get the most hits is the “camelback cricket” post, one of my first).

So, with that said, here’s what’s been going on with me the past few months…

My relationship with a beautiful young lady just ended this past week. At the beginning of the relationship, last October-ish, I realized very quickly that (a) I liked her, and (b) all sorts of emotional baggage from my divorce was coming to the surface as a result, and I was overwhelmed by these emotions continually. At the advice of a good friend, I got into counseling, which I had avoided, somewhat stubbornly, ever since my divorce began in 2005 (which you can read about in earlier posts…this event in my life spawned all sorts of deep thoughts, and sorta began this blog in the first place).

Within weeks of counseling, I was diagnosed with having OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and a few weeks after that, being Bi-Polar. I was even diagnosed as having low levels of Vitamin D, which causes the depression you’ve probably heard about when people are deprived of sunlight for large periods of time. In Binghamton, NY? Really? Shocking!

Anyway, the Bi-Polar part was called “hypomania”, which means that I’m not up and down emotionally from one moment to the next, as is common with Bi-Polar sufferers, but more of a constant semi-depression punctuated with spikes of “feeling great” or “highs”. The OCD part was associated with obsessive thoughts; in other words, once something intensely emotional (disturbing, good, bad, etc.) gets stuck in my head, it doesn’t leave very quickly or easily. After several weeks of trying different medications, I believe that we’ve found the right mix, at least for right now. I am not (as) overwhelmed by things emotionally as I once was, and I’m still attending counseling and learning the proper “tools” to cope with life and have healthy views of myself and others. I am VERY THANKFUL for these meds, and I can look back on my life and see where they were desperately needed in some very troubling times in my life so that maybe I wouldn’t have been so overwhelmed and could have coped differently.

So, on with the deep thoughts…

1. This was the first relationship I’ve ever been in where I refrained from any serious physical intimacy with the woman. I was a virgin when I got married, but until that point, I had always gotten into “making out” whenever I was on a date (past a certain amount of time together, of course). As friends of mine commented after my divorce, it’s EASY to like someone when you’re making out all the time, and all the ooshy gooshy emotions are rolling along that come with that physical interaction; but at the end of the day, you don’t even know if you like the person or not! And I’m very thankful for their advice and the fact that I refrained from this in this last relationship. It allowed both of us to keep a clear head and work on getting to know each other, so that the physical intimacy could later be a fruit of the relationship, as it’s meant to be. I highly recommend this path for every relationship. I speak from experience that it fosters healthy ones.

2. I still struggle with the times when I make mistakes in the relationship and hurt the other person, but by and large, now that I’m getting the physiological side of things taken care of, I can handle conflict as a part of the relationship. I don’t welcome it, but I don’t freak out about it like I used to. I’m more than willing to work through anything until all means of resolution have been exhausted and it’s decided that this thing just ain’t gonna work.

3. Communication is essential. E-S-S-E-N-T-I-A-L. And I mean VERBAL. There are some things that can be figured out by body language, but sometimes all the person knows is that there’s something troubling the other person. They need DETAILS, and usually, the troubled person NEEDS to talk. You hear comedians joke all the time about their wives and the “I’m fine” or “it’s OK” comments when they ask what’s wrong. These answers are unacceptable. The only two that should be allowed are “I’m bothered/troubled, but I don’t want to talk about it right now”, or “here’s what’s bothering me…”. Period.

4. Conflict is essential in a relationship. And inescapable. And it sucks, but there it is. But, as long as it’s viewed as a PART of the relationship that’s necessary for growth, better communication, and avoidance of misunderstanding in the future, it’s not quite so hard. Of course, I mean that the conflict has to be RESOLVED. You can’t just leave it out there. That won’t work. And hey, like Garth Brooks sang once, “sometimes we fight just so we can make up.” ;o)

5. I’ve also learned how to express feelings, even if I don’t follow this rule all the time. MAKE IT ABOUT YOU, NOT THE OTHER PERSON, when expressing feelings of hurt or disappointment. Give them a chance to explain themselves or the situation. Here’s an example:

“You stressed me out last night when you <insert action here>”.

“When you did <insert action here>, I felt stressed.”

See the difference? See, there’s this thing called “perception”. Mine is different than yours. Sometimes it’s different than a lot of people’s, if you talk to my circle of friends. ) Anyway, it’s very possible that the first comment isn’t true (and I think, a lot of the time, it isn’t), because the other person didn’t purposefully mean to stress you out. It’s just that whatever they did pushed a button inside of you and you got stressed. And you as a couple need to talk about that and resolve what’s going on. Not so that the “stresser” is walking on eggshells around the “stressee” all the time as a result, but that both can come to some sort of agreement on what happened and what each person is thinking and feeling in those situations, and that it’s not personal. And maybe, in some cases, the deep emotional wounds from past experiences that caused the stress can be healed. Which leads to…

6. No relationship will work without God in the center. Pray with your significant other. Every date, every time you get together. Have devotionals together or even separately; give the devotional book to the other person for a week, then you get it for a week, etc. You can learn a lot about the other person this way in addition to getting to know how they see God, and get to know God better through their eyes, and vice versa.

That’s all for now. But, wait, you ask, what happened in the relationship that just ended? I’m not saying, out of respect for my ex. She’s a wonderful, caring, loving person; it just didn’t work. But I’m glad I learned at least this much stuff as a result.

If some of these things are “duh” statements to you, awesome.  I just put ‘em here so maybe I won’t forget ‘em. Have a great weekend!

I posted a couple of years back that I found out that Audio Adrenaline started an orphanage in Haiti, and decided to start sending them monthly support. Well, you can imagine what’s going on the past few days with the earthquake and all. Mark Stuart (lead singer of AA) is actually down there right now and has posted some information on Facebook:

 

Hi everyone….

Everyone here is ok, but we are all very scared. The buildings held up great, but there are several houses right around us that have collapsed. Also, Hotel Cyvadier had major damage, while the brand new three story “peace of mind” hotel was demolished. Francine, one of our teenage nannies was in afternoon school and escaped while the building was collapsing around her because she was sitting by the door…however many of her classmates died yesterday. Many houses and and buildings have collapsed in Jacmel including the hospital. I know most of the news there is coming from PAP, but there is substantial loss of life here on the south coast. We need prayer for wisdom and strength. Its very chaotic here. We were able to buy diesel this morning and hopefully get more propane for cooking tomorrow. Last night was crazy…slept on the dirt in the center of the village…away from the buildings. Tonight we may venture back indoors, but that is yet to be decided. We go in and out to get necessities. The Haitian people are numb and sad to say very used to death, but this has created what seems to be a hypnotic state. I’ve never been in a situation were you feel SO helpless, fearful, and small. The tremors are coming again as i type this. Whoa!!!

Mark

 

 The orphanage is near the city of Jacmel. Just to give you an idea, here’s a map (click on it for larger picture) of where they’re located (the epicenter of the earthquake was a few miles southwest of Port Au Prince):

  

You can read up on the latest news at both sites on www.handsandfeetproject.org, although the website news page is a little skewed right now and hard to read. I’d also encourage everyone to make a donation (there’s a “DONATE” button at the top of the home page. Just click on the “one time payment” option. I have to believe, despite the rumors going around about money being stolen in transit, that it’s a reputable site and the money will get to where it’s supposed to. Hands and Feet send me a receipt in the email periodically (although not every month) with pictures of the children and status of what’s going on. I sent a donation this morning and received an email receipt immediately. They are in desperate need right now in the Cyvadier location, best I can tell. Please pray and give as the Holy Spirit leads. Thanks!

This morning’s devotional -

Side note, I found a REALLY GOOD morning devotional booklet called “Breathe” on Erwin McManus’s church’s website (Mosaic, in the Los Angeles area – great podcasts, too, btw).  Here’s the link.  I was able to download it (it’s huge), but now, you can view it right on the website, turn the pages, etc., including printing it out at home.  (I was also excited to find they have come out with a sequel, Breathe 2)

- was really cool.  Psalm 119:32 says in the NIV, “I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.”  OK, cool.  But look at the NASB:

I shall run the way of Your commandments,
         For You will enlarge my heart.

First, that’s what I want.  A bigger heart.  I mean, sure, following God’s commandments are good for my soul, my body, my well being, my heart.  They’re not just there to make Him accept me or love me any more than He already does.  But, obedience to God enlarges my heart, gives me more room to be me.  To be more compassionate and passionate.  I’m not gonna go off on a huge tangent here, but I meet so many Christians who are so…afraid?…to embrace that their heart is good.  I’ve talked about this before, and John Eldredge practically bases his whole ministry on it.  It doesn’t mean we can get to a place of no sin or perfectness, just that we have the capacity to live whole, free lives.  God says so.

Second, it doesn’t say “walk in the way of Your commandments”.  It says run.  Reminds me of a Steven Curtis Chapman song from way back, “Children of the Burning Heart”:

We were the dreamers, the boys on the wild frontier
The new believers with nothing in the world to fear
We had discovered the treasure of the love and the grace of God
And it burned like a fire in our hearts, and we would…
Throw back our heads and run with the passion
Through the fields of forgiveness and grace
We carried the eternal flame
With an undying hope and a blazing conviction
Of a truth that would never fade
We were glowing in the dark
Children of the burning heart
And now for the dreamers, and those who have dared to believe
The flames call us deeper into the great mystery
For as we draw near to the Father we are lost in this one desire
To be wholly consumed by His fire, so let us…
Throw back our heads and run with the passion
Through the fields of forgiveness and grace
We carry the eternal flame
With an undying hope and a blazing conviction
Of a truth that would never fade
We are glowing in the dark
Children of the burning heart

“Through the fields of forgiveness and grace” with our heads thrown back  and running with passion.  I don’t believe this is just cliche’, just something that happens every once in a while, either, even though SCC is talking about new believers here.

What’s keeping me from running?

Well, the enemy, that’s for sure.

Other people.

Wounds from my past.

Fear and anxiety.

Unbelief.

Anything that I put ahead of God in my life, that disrupts my walk and relationship with Him.  It causes atrophy in my legs.  I can’t run.

Another thought that just creeped into my head:  I stumble occasionally when I run.  Especially if I’m new at running, and learning how.  But that’s OK, too.  God’s there, He’s my Father, and while this isn’t all about running and having fun, it is about running in His paths.  It ain’t like He’s gonna just leave me on the ground when I stumble, right?

Go.

Throw your head back.

Run with passion in His paths today.  Your heart will get free and larger.

Well, if you’ve done any shopping this week in the retail stores, you have, as I have, realized that Christmas is officially OVER.  My girlfriend (Jamie) and I went to several places one day this week looking for “White Christmas” with Bing Crosby, an excellent musical that she had not yet seen.  All gone.  The British gent behind the counter at Target (that’s pronounced Tar-ZHAY by friends and I in an attempt to sound like we shop at trendy places) even lamented that he has barely been able to enjoy Christmas because it’s over just a few days afterward.  “They’re already putting up the Valentine’s day stuff, just look over there” he said in his British accent.

It makes me sad.  I had a GREAT Christmas Eve at my church.  The worship and the sermon and the candlelighting and everything was AWESOME.

I had a WONDERFUL Christmas spent with my girlfriend’s family, both Christmas Eve and Christmas.  The gifts were DEAD ON (I got Oakleys I had been coveting and Lego Batman for the Xbox, which Jamie and I love to play; “No Compromise”, Keith Green’s biography, which I have yet to read, but am looking forward to it; and another gift which Jamie has yet to “finish”…hmm…).  And, the gifts I got for her and her family were dead on, as well.  But that’s only a small part of it.  They made me feel like FAMILY.  Not that my friends and their families have not done so in the years I have lived here in upstate NY, but this year was different, special, fun.  They have their issues like any family, but they genuinely enjoy hanging out with each other and that meant a lot to me, to be in that environment, right down to jamming on guitar (bass for me, of course) with Jamie’s cousin Sean, a Beatles fan.

And I’m thankful for this commercial:

http://inside.nike.com/blogs/nikebasketball/2009/12/20/mvpuppets-dunking-on-reindeer

(I tried to post the actual video here…did you know it costs $60/year to add the video upload option to a wordpress blog?!?!?!?!  Holy…)

So, in rebellion, my tree and decorations will remain up until further notice at this point; I don’t know when I’ll take them down.  And, the Christmas playlist on my iPod will continue to play.  Retail America be danged. 

So that’s the joyful part.  Not to mention having this week off work and spending time with Jamie each day and continuing to grow in our relationship, having devo’s together, watching movies (Kung Fu Panda was on the agenda on Monday    ).

The sad and anger part, which I’m w0rking through, became clear to me again this morning while reading “The Way of the Wild Heart” by John Eldredge – which, if I haven’t already, recommend highly – it is a great book for men of ANY age.  I am now into the “Sage” chapter.  Look it up, if you don’t know the definition of the word.  Here is the section that caught my eye this morning:

…There comes a time when the King must yield the throne.  This does not mean failure.  It means it’s time to become a Sage, and let another man be King.  Too many Kings hold on to their thrones too long, and they literally fade away once they have lost them (which tells us they were drawing too much of their identity from their position).  It will appear that at this stage a man’s “kingdom” may be shrinking – he retires from his career position, perhaps moves into a smaller home or apartment, lives on a fixed income.  But, his influence should actually increase.  This is not the time to move to Ft. Lauderdale, “wandering through malls,” as Billy Crystal described it, “looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering, ‘How come the kids don’t call, how come the kids don’t call?’”  For now the man is a mentor to the men who are shaping history.

Sadness.  Anger.  My earthly father.  Muttering, “how come Neil doesn’t call/visit, how come Neil doesn’t call/visit?…”  We talk once a week about the weather, Alabama football, and now, possibly, a little about Jamie.  He has no wisdom for me, nor has he ever.  He was absent from my childhood, my teenager-dom, my college life…no, not absent – needy.  I have borne the weight of my parents emotional needs my entire life, and with each phone call, each visit to Texas, I continue to be pulled into that vortex that sucks life out of the child inside of me that is still struggling to grow up, to understand why I’m so anxious inside sometimes, struggling to let God come into those places and fortify them and let me get on with the life that HE has for me, HIS purposes, rather than the life that my parents (and others) sucked out of me and emotional needs they laden me with.  That’s why I go to visit every OTHER year.  It’s not a vacation, it’s “get my teeth”, and “go to the grocery store for me” and “help me get to my chair, son.”  So exactly how does he accomplish these things when I’m not there?  My cousin Mike and his wife bear much of this load year-round, and I’m appreciative for this.  I can’t imagine.

Sorry.  Lots of angst in that last paragraph.  But, please understand, there’s a lot of frustration there.  A longing to hear “Hey, what’s up?” on the phone from my Dad, instead of “Well Hi, son” in this needy voice (sorry, can’t emulate it in words here, other than something like “Well Hiiiii, ssssooonnnnn” – hope you can get my drift).

The answer, as with all our problems, is to focus on God.  (how many of you just rolled your eyes at having heard THAT before?)  Well, it’s never more true than in my situation here.  He’s the good Father.  He greets me with “What’s up?” each morning and any time I ask, and I love that.  I pray for my Dad, and hope he can come out of his shell, his hole in that assisted living place in Texas and be a mentor, a light to those that live there.  Right now, that’s all I’ve got.  I sent him his (12/11) birthday card and Christmas card and Crimson Tide calendar over the past few weeks, and you would’ve thought I gave him a blood transfusion to save his life or something.  Which, yes, I understand, those things meant the world to him.  But, where’s God in his life?  I guess…I guess I’m just wishing that God was more present so that he wouldn’t unhealthily need me so much.  So that’s my prayer.  And, I need to accept him for where he’s at instead of condemning him for what he’s not (and hasn’t been).

Joy.  Sadness.  Anger.

Puppets.

Christmas.

Family.

God.

I am thankful for all of these.

Well, it’s been a long time since my last post. There are reasons for this. These reasons might be explained later, in other posts, but in the meantime, I have something to talk about, it feels, for the first time in a long time. I have taken the two weeks surrounding Christmas and New Years off from work to relax and recharge and undo the damage done when all I did was xbox it last year at this time. One of the first steps I did this morning was pick up “The Way of the Wild Heart” by John Eldredge, which I had laid down sometime in the past year, possibly even in ’08. The reason I laid it down was because I had come to the next to last stage that he describes in the masculine journey, The King. I believed, at the time, that I was not ready to read this section because I believed that, emotionally and spiritually, I was still back in the Cowboy or Warrior or even Beloved Son stage, which precede the King stage, in some cases by a lot. But then I read an article on ESPN this past week by Gene Wojciechowski about Tiger Woods (we all know what’s going on there), and “who do we believe in now?” in sports:

Someone will fill the void left by Woods’ indefinite self-exile. His return to a tee box, perhaps sooner than expected, will be a mega-event, but never again will I look at him the same way. He was different, but now he isn’t.

So who takes his place? LeBron James? Sure, but do we know The King better than we did Woods? Maybe. His on-the-court and commercial personality is more open and playful than Tiger’s. Does that translate into character? Hope so. Think so.

Peyton Manning? Sure, he seems as genuine as anyone in sports today. Intense and demanding, but not afraid to mock himself on an SNL United Way parody. Approachable in ways that Woods never was.

Tom Brady? George Clooney cool.

Drew Brees? Stand-up guy Velcro’d to the hip of his New Orleans community.

Donovan McNabb? Has withstood the blast furnace of Philly, Terrell Owens, etc., with mostly grace and dignity.

Tim Tebow? An athlete who understands and embraces every aspect of the baggage that comes with sports celebrity. He wants the responsibility of setting a standard.

OK, Tom Brady might be George Clooney cool (I saw an interview with him once where he actually couldn’t define the word “pressure”…that’s awesome), but his infidelity takes him off my list. OK, enough editor’s comments…That last paragraph caught my eye. “He wants the responsibility of setting a standard.” And I realized that my life, pockmarked as it has been, has been more about just surviving and hoping to gain God’s favor than setting a standard. Now, of course, I’m not talking about setting a standard as a sports icon (unless I’m on the xbox WAAAAYYYY too much). But how often do I want to set a standard on being a man of God, or improve the standard of how people should be loved, how relationships should be cultivated, how community should be encouraged? I haven’t done this enough. My heart has not been inclined in this direction. Then, this morning, reading in Eldredge’s book:

It is a matter of heart, my brothers. There are many offices a man might fulfill as a King – father of a household, manager of a department, pastor of a church, coach of a team, prime minister of a nation – but the heart required is the same. “The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases” (Prov. 21:1 NIV). The passage is often used to explain the sovereignty of God, in that he can do with a man whatever he pleases. Certainly, God is that sovereign. But I don’t think that’s the spirit of this passage. God rarely forces a man to do something against his will, because he would far and above prefer that he didn’t have to, that the man wills to do the will of God. “Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve” (Josh. 24:15 NIV). What God is after is a man so yielded to him, so completely surrendered, that his heart is easily moved by the Spirit of God to the purposes of God.

That kind of heart makes for a good king.

And so, I have become aware of how much I have tried to “create my own little kingdom” in my life, more hoping that it aligns with God’s, rather than simply asking the man himself, “God, what do you want me to do ?

I want my heart to be like a watercourse that He directs wherever He pleases. I want to be more than just the beloved son who is loved unconditionally. I want to be a sword in his hand, or a plowshare, or an encouragement, whatever He needs me to be in that moment.

If you’ve read this blog at all, you know I’m (a) a huge sports fan, and (b) an Alabama alum and rabid college sports fan (ROLL TIDE!).  Well, over the past few months, I’ve earnestly tried to put together the ultimate guy weekend over Labor Day weekend this fall:  Alabama vs. Virginia Tech in the Georgia Dome on Saturday, and the first ever Atlanta night race (NASCAR Sprint Cup) on Sunday.  I’m sorry to say that it probably won’t happen, mostly due to scheduling, but in no small part because of the price of the tickets.  The football game on Saturday was going to cost $215 per person for 3rd level seats.  That’s right, it’s not a typo:  $215 for third level seats.  Add in the cost of travel, lodging, and food, and it was going to cost approx. $800 a man to do this trip.  At first, I was like, “well, I guess money has to be no object for one of these deals”, and moved on.  I thought, “well, hey, maybe I can just go to an Alabama game in Tuscaloosa.  The reason these tickets are so high is because it’s the “Kickoff Classic” sponsored by Chick-Fil-A (mmm…Chick-Fil-A…don’t have those here in the Northeast).

Well, I’m sorry to say that for the “good” games in Tuscaloosa this year (vs. Tennessee, Arkansas, LSU) the prices are pretty much the same.  Although, Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa only has two decks instead of three, it’s still nose-bleed seats for approx. $200.  Add in travel and lodging, and it ends up being approx. $500 per person for a trip like this.  Unreal.

Earlier this month, I’m watching the NBA Finals, and the clincher:  there was an awesome story at halftime about an Orlando family who’s son has an anxiety disorder (some sort of “mutism”, if I remember correctly) and he never talks, basically.  Ever.  He’s almost 5 years old, and never really communicates with others.  He can talk, just doesn’t.  Well, as the story goes, one night, the family is sitting and watching the Orlando Magic play on TV, and the kid (Ryan) starts talking, trying to say “play basketball”.  He doesn’t quite make it the first few times, but eventually, he’s talking and pointing at the TV.  His parents are in tears!  It’s the break they’ve been waiting for.  So, the father immediately wants to take his son to a game, kinda like therapy.  Great idea, right?  Well, they’re interviewing the father, and he says it cost him $641 to take him and his son to the game.  $641 dollars!  And during the interview on ABC, he says he basically had to decide between paying the mortgage that month and helping his child overcome this ailment!  So, he thought, “well, they usually give you thirty days to make good if you miss a payment, so it wasn’t a hard decision.”  (that’s not an actual quote, just my paraphrase from what I remember of the story)

And, of course, the story ends well:  they go to the game, Ryan continues to grow in communicating and overcoming his disorder, the father emails the Magic thanking them for everything, and the Magic organization gives them free tickets for the remainder of the season, and they’re able to go to the playoffs, etc.  Great story, but the point is:  nowadays, only people that either are making 6-digit incomes or willing to allow their kids and grandkids into inherit their enormous credit card debt can go to top-tier sporting events with any kind of regularity.  And it stinks.

I’m naive to think that it will end soon.  It would take a massive boycott by Americans to make any change in the system and the exorbitant lifestyle that players, owners, and coaches lead nowadays; and, heck, even THAT might not be enough.  Baseball is approaching that day faster than the other sports, I believe.  The New York Times a couple of weeks ago noted a startling stat:  The Yankees have sold out one game out of the first 30 home games this year at the new Yankee Stadium.  And, I’ve noticed several times as I flip past baseball games on the TV that it’s not limited to Yankee stadium.  There are ALWAYS plenty of good seats still available in a number of ballparks. 

Another example:  A co-worker of mine was so excited this year because his wife had given him the ok to buy Giants season tickets, something he’s wanted for YEARS.  But now, with the NEW stadium coming this year, the Giants have come up with what’s called a PSL:  a Personal Seat License.  Basically, it’s a license that gives you permission to buy season tickets.  And, it costs anywhere from $1,000 to $20,000 per license.  Then you have to buy season tickets on top of that, which are around $4,000.  My co-worker friend wasn’t devastated, but it was something close.  “Pro sports are forgetting the people that got them to where they are today” he said.  Yep.  That’s it.  It’s a vicious, downward spiraling, never-ending cycle, and it’s all driven by money (you don’t have to read my blog to figure that out).

Here’s my theory:  Owners want more money.  They can do that by simply raising ticket prices (which happens sometimes for no reason) or by fielding a good team that people will want to come see.  In order to do that, they have to pay to get good players.  In order to pay the higher salaries (every year they increase across the board, on average – see chart below), they have to raise ticket and merchandise prices.  The sports LEAGUES also charge more for the networks to show the games on TV, which drives up advertising, which leads to more commercials, which drives home viewers nuts.  Like I said, it’s a never-ending cycle, spiraling prices upward and fan appreciation downward.

Even the sportswriters don’t get it.  There was an article on cnnsi.com a few weeks back by Peter King, in which he reported on how NFL players were complaining over how little they were paid per game when their team makes the playoffs and/or goes to the Super Bowl.  Tom Brady, according to the article, with all of the playoff games and 4 super bowl appearances, has only made something like $35,000/year on average for those games.  And Mr. King was basically stating how wrong this was.  Now, obviously, my response was “holy cow, with the 7-digit salaries these guys make on average, who cares?”  So, I emailed Mr. King and asked him to consider the economy and the number of people losing jobs at an alarming rate right now, and to please not glorify or give credence to these complaints.  He didn’t publish my email in his “mailbag” the next day, but he DID show a couple of emails that were basically saying the same thing, one of them by a lawyer in Florida comparing his yearly salary to the NFL players’ (it was much less), and how complaining over postseason salaries was ridiculous.  Mr. King’s response was, (and I quote), “…if you got an average of $8,000 per case, and then it came time to argue the biggest case you’d ever had before the Florida Supreme Court, and you got $500 for it, would you feel that was fair? Everything is relative.”  Everything is relative?!?!?!  He missed the point.  I think we realize that with the lifestyle that pro athletes lead, either some or a majority of them are going to complain about something like this, among other things, and to the average Joe Q. Public who does the best he can providing for his family, it will always seem ridiculous.  Just don’t TELL us about it or make it seem glamorous, and in doing so remind us of how ungrateful pro athletes can be for the salaries that the American public pay for by having to take out a second mortgage for season tickets.  Puhleeze.

So, there’s my rant.  Nothing really spiritual about it, although I definitely agree with my pastor, who frequently reminds us on Sunday mornings that we are a nation who worships the “God of mammon”, not the God who blesses us with it.  And there is no place where it’s worshipped more than in American sports today.

I was listening to the Mosaic podcast by Erwin McManus this morning, and I loved the main point of his sermon.  I’ll paraphrase:

You don’t overcome great failure/crisis in your life with great success.  Too often we try to get out of the crisis or whatever situation we’re in that’s causing, at least, discomfort, and at most, life-threatening, overwhelming pain, by either hoping that that “big break” comes along, or that we’ll hit that “home run”, etc.  When, in fact, great failure/crisis is overcome with great faithfulness.  He used the story of Naomi in the book of Ruth as an example, but also the example of the North Carolina Tar Heels winning this year’s NCAA championship.  Now, yes, I understand, getting blown out in the Final Four in 2008 does not qualify as great of a failure or crisis as losing your husband and both sons in the middle of a time of famine, as Naomi did.  BUT, the faithfulness needed – by Ruth to stand by Naomi’s side, as well as the faithfulness needed (and given) by the UNC basketball players to postpone the millions of dollars they’ll be making in the NBA to return and pursue a national championship one more time – those are the same.  Both require hard work, sacrifice, and keeping our focus on God (in Ruth’s instance).  And it always pays off.  Maybe not in the way we intended it to, or hoped it would, but in God’s eyes, it does, if we’re faithful to Him.

And, as impatient as I am, and have been in my life, this was a good thing to hear today.

Have a great week!