Like this:

Sometimes I think I’m better off
To turn out the lights and close up shop
And give up the longing, believing in belonging
Just hold down my head and take the loss

You’d think that I’d learn my lesson by now
You’d think that I’d somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You’re bound to feel the flame

You’d think that I’d learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out, I haven’t learned a thing

-Daughtry, “Learn My Lesson”

It’s funny.  I really like this song.  But isn’t the whole point to NOT learn our lesson?  Or at least the way he means it?

I mean, I’m not saying that we should continually hitch ourselves up or associate with unhealthy people.  That’s not the point.  That’s a given, and a learned behavior, and hard sometimes to know healthy people from unhealthy.

What I do mean is that it’s impossible to love without being hurt.  I can’t deny the longing that God has placed inside of me for intimacy.  With Him.  With a woman.  It keeps me from closing up shop.  It drives me right through the pain.  It keeps me believing in belonging, that yes, there IS someone out there for me.  I’ve never for a minute, even after a divorce and some really silly and disappointing relationships, put a blanket statement on all women or all people and given up.  God is here with me, but I and everyone else on the planet was created for relationship.  Not performance, not efficiency, not pride in our talents, not striving or trudging forward day after day.  RELATIONSHIP.  A safe place to be real and vulnerable.  Where I can screw up and the person doesn’t leave.

It’s what God means in 1 John 1:7.  And it’s oft misinterpreted.  It doesn’t mean we just have relationship with HIM.  It means we have it with each OTHER.  I feel like closing up shop, taking the loss; we all do sometimes.  I drive myself right through the pain, so I can grow.  I don’t want to learn a thing.  I want to stay ignorant, to keep trying, searching, growing.  Break the rules.  Never give up.  Never stop believing.  Love is priceless, it has no determinable cost.  It is a price we cannot pay.

I don’t want to learn that lesson.

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