Posted by: zephaniah317 | January 23, 2007


I know this is a serious subject in my life, and this is an intense blog, but it’s my blog, so deal with it… 

My marriage is the most important and best thing that has ever happened to me, aside from entering into a relationship with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.  It has brought me down from my lofty perch of self-righteousness and put a love for people in my heart that wasn’t there in large quantities before.  Through my marriage, God has taught me SO MUCH.  How he doesn’t control us, or manipulate us.  He LEADS, disciplines (if we’ll listen and follow), cares, loves, guides, all the things a good Father should do.  As Gary Thomas said in his book, Sacred Marriage, “God gave us marriage to make us holy, not happy.”  Because at the end of the day, it’s a commitment, nothing more, nothing less.  It’s not about feelings, being in love and all the gushy stuff that comes with it.  Those things are the fruit of your relationship, not the glue that holds it together.  I used to look at “arranged marriages” in other cultures and just roll my eyes.  I mean, how could they do that to two young people?!?!?!  It’s amazing, though.  Those cultures understand marriage.  It’s like saying “OK, your together for the rest of your lives, work it out, no other options.”  It’s a little harsh, mind you, but with God in our lives, nothing is impossible, and it’s what He intended marriage to be.  If He’s the center, it’ll work out, because He honors the commitments and covenants we make with Him.  Neil Anderson said in Victory Over the Darkness, “good feelings don’t produce good behavior, good behavior produces good feelings.”  Think about that one for a while…and how backwards we have that as a culture.

I think it’s safe to say that I’ve experienced the most pain in my life when I got married.  Because there are things that you just can’t prepare for ahead of time, and you’re not supposed to (living together (which we didn’t do) just doesn’t compare to marriage by the way – don’t fool yourself).  And that’s the most important lesson, the most important thing:  I’ve been so sheltered all my life, God had to wake me up to the reality that there is so much pain, lies, hate, and suffering out there in the world, even out there in our church communities.  It’s useless to run from it.  He wants us to dive into it and help those who don’t know Him to find peace, love, joy, all that stuff.  He wants us to experience it ourselves so that we’ll grow.  (there’s no growth without pain, you know – oh, how we’ve lost sight of that as a country!)

I’m still processing through just how scared I was of all that pain, hate, etc. that was evident in my wife’s life.  How I ran from it, how I allowed myself to be turned into a pushover.  How the enemy used it to…well, that’s another post.  I’ll wrap this up now.  My wife is not my enemy.  Never was, never will be.  I’m not in love with my wife, but I love my wife.  Guys, go home tonight and love yours.  Keep the commitment, the covenant, the promise.


  1. Thank you, brother. I was trying to think of more profound words to comment and don’t find any to be adequate. So — thank you.

  2. […] is the realization that in my marriage, God had me (and my wife) in the crucible (that’s what marriage is – no hiding things when you’re there), and the process got stopped short when she went […]

  3. […] in Tennessee (do the math),  and (b) I’ll totally understand that marriage is…well, this.  God designed it to change people, to make them more like Him, not make them happy.  […]

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