Posted by: zephaniah317 | March 19, 2007


I was reading LP‘s post today about Redeemed Eve vs. Fallen Eve (I believe there’s some quotes in there from Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge), and it reminded me of a lot that’s been going through my mind lately concerning roles in relationships, and how we’ve got it all backwards in this great nation of ours.

I mean, really, somebody give me one (current) TV show or movie that portrays a husband as a strong, good-willed, loving, caring, but tough man who knows what he’s doing.  Careful now, I said husband.  Not man.  The airwaves are filled with single guys being portrayed as having it all-together.  If you can think of one, please comment me back.  Admittedly, I don’t watch much TV, but I can’t think of one.

Want a list of shows that portrays the husband as a “lovable” screw-up who doesn’t have a whole lot of clues as to what’s going on, and a wife who’s consistently dissatisfied with the marriage and dissatisfied with the husband and basically “runs the show”?  Here we go:  Everybody Loves Raymond, Home Improvement, King of Queens, Rules of Engagement, According to Jim, The Simpsons (ok, that’s a reach, I know), ‘Til Death.  Point being, I know these are sitcoms, but isn’t this where we’ve gone as a culture?  Is it really that surprising?  It started in the Garden, after all.  Eve made a mistake, and Adam was right there, and didn’t say a word.

So, before you think I’m going off on females here, I’m fully aware that this is a 50/50 problem.  The enemy has women all over thinking that they’re unattractive and worthless unless they look like this and wear this and weigh this, and the list goes on.  And their hearts are shattered like crystal, and they become something that God did not intend.  Something, not alluring or attractive, but…demanding (thanks again, Mr. Eldredge).  Dissatisfied.  Needy.

And the guys, well, we’re a mess.  The enemy’s got us thinking that unless we can satisfy the woman’s needs, we’re a failure.  Worthless.  Less than a man.  Needing validation.  So we put on the poser, the “stud” mask, and try to impress Eve with something that we’re not.  And all the while, the real beauty and the real “stud” lies ignored, forgotten – in our hearts.

I know.  I was there.  Two years ago.  My wife has been through a hell in her lifetime that most people wouldn’t go through in three lifetimes.  And, yes, we were both showing all those symptoms I mentioned above.  Only I didn’t see the enemy’s tactics.  I believed the lies, and so did she.  And the other day I found myself wishing those divorce papers would hurry up and finish the process and come in the mail.  So I could get on with my life.  So I could find someone else.  Try again.  Make up for my mistakes.  Then God (He is so awesome!) gently pulled me aside and said, “They’ve all got issues of one sort or another; give it up – she’s not out there, not the one you’re looking for…and that’s tough, but that’s life.  It’s OK that life’s this way…but deal with it.  Let Me handle that.  I’m the only one who can fill that hole inside you.  I love you.”

And it hit me:  we’re not designed/equipped to meet each others’ needsAt the most, we’re designed and equipped to meet each others’ wants!  God meets our needs/has met our needs/is everything we need in this life!  Because He meets the needs of our heartsThat longing that’s inside every one of us-it’s met by Him.  Love is meant to come from God—> through us—> into others.  We were never meant to siphon life out of each other. 

So there’s my rant.  When will we stop demanding our needs be met?  When will we realize that they already are, because our Heavenly Father doesn’t care how good we look, how much we do for Him, how much we earn at our job, how well we write blogs, how much stuff we have, even how well we orate about Him and the Gospel.  He cares about one thing, and one thing only; the only thing that matters:  our hearts.  Lord, help us turn this thing back around.  Only You can do it.

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