Posted by: zephaniah317 | April 30, 2007

Concerning Muffins, Badges, and Business Trips

So, I’ve been wondering, how is God going to re-program me?  Lead me into more life, trust, and love with Him?

This morning I was pretty tired, showing up at the airport at 5 am for an overnight business trip.  This after getting to bed at 10 pm Sunday night, after a good day of worship (including a special evening service that was all music…awesome!).  I always get a little nervous with these early morning flights.  Will I have my “A” game for the rest of the day?  (I’m 6’8″, so I don’t sleep well on planes)  More on that in a minute.

I get to the airport, get through security, see a co-worker, sit down and start chatting.  He’s working on his laptop.  About half-way through the conversation, I realize that I’ve left my employee badge in the car.  Sheesh!  Back through the security, still in plenty of time to board the flight.

Get to Detroit, grab a quick muffin and OJ (I LOVE Orange Juice!).  I bite into the muffin, and crumbs get on my shirt.  I go to wipe off the crumbs – did I mention that it was a chocolate muffin? – and I smudge chocolate on my white polo shirt.  Oh, no…nothing big, just about 1/8″ in diameter…maybe I can just wipe it off…what’s that red stuff?…Oh, NO…my thumb is bleeding!…you gotta be KIDDIN’ me!  Again nothing big, but now I have a chocolate smudge and two little red dots on my WHITE shirt!  I don’t know these folks at the plant where I’m headed all that well…what will THEY think??!?

Then I get to the plant, and realize that I left my cell-phone charger AT HOME.  Oh, boy…good thing it’s an overnighter, not a week trip.  Just another thing…

Now, I know what you’re thinkin’…this guy gets upset over NUTHIN’…and that’s my point.  By the end of the day, I now sit here at my laptop blogging away, amazed at how hard I work on my appearance and how important it is to me not to be embarrassed or found lacking in my social or career skills.  My brain has been RACING again today for ways to explain my problems, make excuses, keep up the performance.

…and it’s a WASTE OF TIME.  I believe that God put me in these circumstances today.  Ever since my first job, there’s always been a little anxiety in me about not getting enough sleep.  Not because I’ll be TIRED, but because my PERFORMANCE the next day will suffer.  I won’t be able to keep up the facade if I’m tired.  Do a good job…job?  I might lose my job?…oh, me, what will happen THEN?!?!  It’s amazing.  Unreal.  Irrational.  And yet, I sit here tonight with a tightness in my chest.  I have a presentation tomorrow.  AND NONE OF IT MATTERS.

Father, thanks for today.  May this experience bring me closer to You, to trust in YOU for my livelihood, and may I grow to love others more than performing for them out of fear.

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Responses

  1. maybe we are twins separated at birth ‘cuz I can SOOOOO relate to every word. (although growing up in a poor family, the oldest of six and then being a poor mother of 4 kind of beat some of those anxieties out of me…oh, the stories I could tell!!) When I was travelling for a living, I finally just called myself the ‘queen of wardrobe malfunctions’ (at least you don’t have to worry about stockings…you are so lucky!) AND — I’ve never heard anyone else describe the anxiety of lack of sleep in the same way that I feel it. It is totally a performance thing — for me, personally, it’s less about “I’ll be too tired to do my tasks well.” and way more about “I’ll be too tired to appear that nothing in my life is wrong.” Either way, it’s all about appearance.
    Well, thanks for the giggle about the muffins on your shirt. I hope your presentation went really well and that either way you were able to have a grateful heart.

  2. Reason #2,567 I’m glad I’m a guy…no pantyhose. 🙂

    I guess I always knew that I wasn’t the only one who struggled with the sleep thing, I just never acknowledged it or heard it from anyone else. OK, so I’ve got TWO sisters who work at the church now. 🙂

    Presentation went well. No biggie. Got stranded in Ft. Wayne last night. Something about tornadoes in Michigan. Wussies. 😛

  3. Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man..heehee


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