Posted by: zephaniah317 | May 16, 2007

Fini’

Hmph.  That’s about how I reacted.  Hmph.  Here I am 5 hours later, and I’m still pretty much there.  Hmph.

I was driving home today from work, and the song “He Will Rejoice” by Trevor Morgan off LivingPalm’s favorite album, Glory Revealed, came on my iPod, which was on shuffle mode, as usual; my way of letting God control what I listen to for the day.  Glory Revealed is an album with songs based entirely on scripture, with a majority of the lyrics being drawn straight from scripture.  What’s interesting about “He Will Rejoice” is that it’s based on Zephaniah 3:17.  When I heard that song, I thought I should probably blog this evening.  🙂

Hmph.  That wasn’t my reaction to the song coming on the iPod (which was consequently followed by “Fingerprints of God” by Steven Curtis Chapman, which I kinda sang to my ex-wife once in the car, because it’s what she needs to hear every day, and “Sometimes He Comes in the Clouds” by SCC, as well, moments after I thought, “that’d be a good song to hear right about now”).

It was my reaction to the fact that I’m divorced.  Finally.  A year and a half after she went to the lawyer.  My lawyer got the papers on Tuesday, and they still need to be filed at the County Clerk’s office, but that’s that.  Hmph.

My friends at church this evening asked how I was doing.  Hmph.  Somewhere between numb and wanting to hock the wedding band for paintball equipment (probably all of $30, but I’m just sayin’…).  Seriously.  Hmph.  I’ve sworn off serious decisions for a week, maybe two.

I’ve learned so much about myself lately.  And it would have never happened if I hadn’t gotten married.  I was so blind, frantically going through life with such a wrong view of God, love, you name it.  Then I got married.  And I’m still in the process of doing the 180.  And it’s still the best thing to ever happen to me.  And if it happens again, (a) The ceremony’s gonna be 9 people somewhere in the Smokey Mountains in Tennessee (do the math),  and (b) I’ll totally understand that marriage is…well, this.  God designed it to change people, to make them more like Him, not make them happy.  Period.

And He hates divorce.  I just wish she understood.

Hmph.

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Responses

  1. we love you, buddy. don’t hold back on the grief/anger/sorrow/relief/whatever else stuff that will most likely hit you in waves over the next couple of weeks. we love you, buddy.

  2. Thanks for sharing what has been going on with you as I know it can be tough to let yourself be “out” there to people. Saying sorry sounds so pitiful, because you did learn so much through this process,but it still has got to be hard on on the heart. Hugs to you!!

  3. gosh, i dont know if i just needed a good cry or if this is really vulnerable writing. I am so sorry that you are hurting. & thankful for what you have learned. there is so much grace and it is so easy to miss… its really an encouragement to me that you have been so real about your pain, that you havent hidden it from the church or hidden yourself from the church–both wildly easy to do.
    you are really walking the walk and He is evident in you.

    thanks for that testimony.

  4. Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I’m more relieved today than anything else. More to come, I’m sure.

  5. Just a quick encouragement from another guy who’s been there: I too thought it was all over when the divorce monster hit, but life did get better, and things are much better now than they were before.

    I understand the shock that slaps you when the divorce papers make it officially over. You knew it was coming, but it’s still a weird feeling when you see the papers in your hands.

  6. Thanks for the encouragement, Dave. It’s a little different for me, I guess. We really haven’t talked more than about a dozen times in the past year and a half, so it was a little less like a slap and a little more like relief. Sorry to hear about your loss, as well. God’s a big boy, he can handle our circumstances. Thanks again.

  7. “God designed it to change people, to make them more like Him, not make them happy.” Thanks for stating that very well. So true yet too easy for me to lose sight of…


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