Posted by: zephaniah317 | July 27, 2007

Pain, Revisited

Pain.

It finds you.

Can’t live life without pain.

Emotional.  Mental.  Physical.  Is spiritual pain possible?  Maybe.  That’s a good question.  I’m welcome to feedback on that one.

I try to avoid pain a lot.  Fear can make one’s behavior quite skewed from time to time.  The mask has to stay up so pain won’t get to me.

But God knows better.  He knows pain is an important part of life.  Sounds morbid, doesn’t it?  And yet, we’ll never grow in a bubble, in a cocoon.  He knows that.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been scrambling back to my comfort zone, the one I was in before I got married.  I’ve commented on this before.  And God brought me back “to reality” this week, in the form of a bad back, and a golf swing that’s…well…a work in constant progress.  I threw something out of whack last Friday at a golf tournament, and my back’s been killing me this week.  I went to my chiropractor twice, and it’s feeling a little better today, but still very uncomfortable.

Wednesday night I was lying on the couch, on the edge of feeling sorry for myself, and realized how much energy I put into pain avoidance every day.  It’s quite humbling to come face to face with that reality.  I’m not making any excuses for it, either.  It’s how I behave a lot.  I think it fuels my addictive personality a lot, too.  And it’s exhausting.  It’s almost a twisted kind of thinking, isn’t it?  If I didn’t try to avoid pain so much, I’d feel better and probably have more energy during the day.

Well, there it is.  God, keep me right here.  Long enough to grow out of this habit.  I want to be real.  Authentic.  Just like you were when you were here with us.  Not afraid of rejection or pain or any of that anymore.  It’s nothing extraordinary, just normal Christianity.  Relying on God for everything, including the healing of the hurts when they happen, not protection from them.

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Responses

  1. Thanks for sharing. Keeping our focus on God seems more fleeting than constant sometimes.


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