Posted by: zephaniah317 | October 7, 2007

Getting Turned InsideOut by a Loving Father…

Well, it’s been a great weekend.  Really.  Let me explain.

My band, InsideOut (I’ve started leaving out the space in between the words…I like how it looks; any feedback is welcome) played at “Cubestock 2007” Friday night.  It was a charity event for my job to benefit the Alzheimer’s Association.  The premise was, as long as a band had at least one employee in it, they were eligible.  So, back in June, when this came up, I asked C, Lor, BurningAlive, and Lars (names have been slightly altered or abbreviated to protect the innocent) if they wanted to do it, and they said yes.  And we’ve had a good journey meeting and practicing, and I’m happy to say it will continue past this weekend.

Anyway, we had a friggin’ BLAST Friday night.  It was…so…AWESOME!  I cannot describe or begin to put into words how much God has blessed me to be able to perform music for His glory with this group of people.  I am spoiled.  I’ll say it again…I am spoiled by my heavenly Father.  Everything just went so…well,…WELL.  I had forgotten how much FUN praising God can be when you really turn it loose, and make no mistake, we did.  And best of all, we get to do it again TONIGHT at my church for the closing of an art show going on there this weekend.  I…CAN’T…WAIT!

But, on a personal note, I’ve learned a lot about myself this weekend.  All day Friday @ work and into the evening – while the other acts were performing (SIDE NOTE:  there are very talented people where I work – we saw everything from a woman’s chorus to bluegrass to blues to folk music to rock – the only thing missing was rap music Friday night.  It was a really good time), I was churning inside in anticipation of Friday night.  You see, sometimes at gigs, I get really hyper and nervous, and my brain starts to cramp, and my hands shake, and, well, you can imagine what that does to all the practice I’ve been doing for months.  Not good.  I’m sure if anyone saw me while I was playing the piano on “I Can Only Imagine” Friday night, they probably thought I was angry, because I was frowning and focusing so hard.  But, like I said, once we got going, all the butterflies flew out the window and we had a really good time.  So all the churning, while I was still concerned about why it keeps happening and I don’t seem to have much control over it any time I’m playing in public, subsided for the most part, and I had fun.  But then, when our set was done, LivingPalm’s hubby B comes up to me, gives me a big hug, and says “I’m proud of you”.  I have been getting choked up talking about it and still am getting choked up typing it right now.  It hit me right then:  my earthly father practically never said that to me.  I’ve just never really heard it from authority figures in my life.  I believe that God spoke through B right then to let me know He’s proud of me too.  And always has been.  But, not having that father-son relationship growing up has put a great strain on my relationship with my heavenly Father.  Because I’ve always seen Him in the same light as my earthly father.  Emotionally distant and condemning.  But, now, the lights have started to come on.  I can imagine God in the room at all my gigs over my life (maybe sometimes at the front of the stage…is that heresy?  Somebody let me know) cheering me and my band-mates on just like a healthy human father would do.  And that perspective made a huge difference and a growth step in my life this weekend.  Thanks, Daddy.

Anyway, it comes down to this.  I’m now beginning to have the right perspective and image of God in my mind and heart.  I now have someone to play for other than myself, or at least now I really want to play for Him, rather than being resentful of it deep down inside, which has caused a lot of my fear and pain in performing publicly for a long time.  I’m not saying the churning will ever completely cease, but I’d like to think so.  I know it’s less now that I know the truth, and I see no reason it should stay in my life.

So, come on out tonight to the Art Show at UC3, and maybe you’ll get turned InsideOut, too.  We’ll be praying for you.  There’s a guitar trio opening up the evening, and they’re AWESOME.  Hope to see you there!

P.S.  Good job to everyone putting together (LP, NOOC’s wife, and others) and performing at the art show last night.  Not quite my cup ‘o tea, style-wise, but y’all are wicked talented, and I know it took a lot of practice and preparation.  Great job!

P.S.S.  Much love and a big shout out to LP, B, and their offspring’s band, Dot Rama.  Awesome job last night, guys.  Please pass my kudos along to them.  And much thanks to LP for letting us play at this next event.  🙂

P.S.S.S.  I’m still getting almost 10 hits a day on that Cricket post from back in January.  And I’m still wondering why.  Free Krispy Kreme donuts to anyone who can solve this mystery for me.  😉


  1. Hello…hey we just wanted to tell InsideOut that we really enjoyed hearing you sunday night at church ….your all sooo talented…please let us know of any future performances and where I can buy your first CD that I hope you’ll make…..We’re big fans keeping you in our prayers…….:)

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