Posted by: zephaniah317 | October 27, 2007


God is pursuing me.

I can feel it, finally.  After 38 years, I’m finally starting to see Him correctly.  To finally start to feel unconditional love (is there such a thing as conditional love?  That’s not really love, is it?) has been the most wonderful part of this journey as of late.  To realize that I have been in relationship with God but not really known Him is a startling revelation.  To realize that I could simply lay here and do nothing the rest of my life and not lose one ounce of His love is still seeping into the dry and thirsty land that is my heart.

I have been so driven and felt so little of His approval, of how proud He is of me.  To be so afraid of spending eternity in hell because of every little thing I’ve done in life.  It’s like my pastor said the other day when giving some testimony of others who he’s seen and counseled in the past:  “How do you function from day to day with all that going on inside?”  I really don’t know how I’ve functioned being morbidly afraid of the benevolent and peaceful Creator of the universe.  And yes, He is Holy and powerful, but in this season, He’s just wanting to hold me and let me see Him as the loving and caring Father that He is.  Anyways, I guess you just…well…function, but you don’t really live having that mindset.  And I haven’t lived.  Not really.

I’ve come to the realization that my mother and I lived in constant fear of my dad.  There was no physical or sexual abuse of any kind, mind you.  But the emotional toll is worse, because (a) you’re a kid growing up in this, and you come to believe that it’s OK and your family is like any other, and (b) you grow to see God in the same manner.  Everyone does this.  I firmly believe it…all children who grow up with a father in the house come to see God in the same light unless or until the earthly father hands them off to the Heavenly one.

And, mind you, the church I grew up in and the religious “system” that has come to envelop much of American culture has the same stinking view of God.  Conditional servitude, not unconditional love and adoption as sons and daughters into the most unbelievably wonderful relationship anyone can ever have.

I mean, really!  I am a firm believer that ANYONE who doesn’t know Christ and God and the Holy Spirit and is firmly entrenched in not making that decision, or deciding against God, is not seeing God properly with the eyes of their heart.  Those who know Him but struggle with addictions and sin and all that are not seeing Him properly.  I was there.  I know.  God is love (read 1 John 4 sometime).  He’s the best deal going.  Let’s review, shall we?

1.  Eternal Salvation that you can’t lose.

2.  The Holy Spirit to guide you each day, both in day to day decisions and life paths.

3.  Unconditional love, constant as the sunrise each morning, from the Creator of the Universe.

4.  Faithfulness beyond belief to satisfy all your needs.

5.  Discipline without condemnation.

6.  Patience if/when you turn away from Him to pursue you and bring you back home to Him.

Come on!  What a deal!  And we don’t have to do anything!  Just accept it!

Nothing compares with the greatness of knowing Christ.  (hey, sounds like a song!)


  1. i’m walking a similar journey with you, brother. i love your first sentence “God is pursuing me”.
    I was reminded recently how important that order is — He chose us; He loved us first; He sought us; He proposed this marriage with His Bride first. Everything we have to offer Him is only a response.
    amazing truth…

  2. I know so many people who have had their perceptions of God warped by the analogy of “Father”. I always tell them to stop thinking of “Father” as the thing their dad’s were and start thinking of “Father” as the thing they wish their dad’s were. That’s what God is. I know you know that, though. Just throwin’ it out there. 🙂

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