Posted by: zephaniah317 | August 27, 2008

Pain, Revisited – Again (aw, man…do I have to?)

And so I wrote this song for you
I think I know just what you’re going through
Did you believe you’d never change
Nothin ever stays the same

I know it’s hard holdin on
Even harder trying to let it go
And so you’re frozen like a stone
But you are not alone

Every step I take
I get a little less afraid
Of giving in to love, love
Let it out
Believe me when I say
It gets better every day
Once you get used to the pain

What you hide inside I see
There’s a scar that’s always gonna be
There’s a past in everyone
You can’t undo
You can’t outrun

Every step I take
I get a little less afraid
Of giving in to love, love
Let it out
Believe me when I say
It gets better every day
Once you get used to the pain

Keith Urban, Used to the Pain

I’ve had an interesting week so far.  Sunday, I heard part two of a sermon on pain and suffering.  Then, by the time I left work on Monday, I was suffering.  I missed work yesterday due to the mother of all cricks in my neck.  I’ve had this before, it’s usually caused by poor posture by walking or while working on the PC, or by sleeping a a wrong angle for a night or two.  Anyway, there was no position, sitting or standing, that I could get comfortable, save laying flat on my back.  Now, when you consider that I’m a “side sleeper”, a.k.a. sleeping on my side instead of my back, this presents a problem.  I probably got 5 hours or more each of the past two nights, which is OK, but still not optimum for me, especially with all I have going on right now.

One of the interesting points of the sermon on Sunday was, in her attempt to explain why there is pain and suffering in a world where God loves his children so dearly, Pastor Marlene simply stated that, to the best she can tell, “Pain is part of the deal”.  For the sake of discussion here, I also want to bring back an idea I’ve read in at least two of John Eldredge’s books:  People, men and women both, spend a large part of our time trying to make a “safe” existence for ourselves, which is NOT how God wired us to be.  We’re created to glorify Him, and rule creation, regardless of the pain we encounter.

So, true to form, Monday, immediately after work, I drove straight to the chiropractor’s office, whom I visit every other week anyway, for an emergency adjustment.  He didn’t promise me a miraculous relief, but adjusted me and told me to ice it down like usual and come in again on Tuesday, which I did…twice.  And I’ll probably visit again today.  Because, like the rest of the human race, what do we do when we’re experiencing pain?  Do everything we can to stop it, or shorten the length of time that it’s with us, of course.

And like I’ve said, I’ve been through this cycle of chiro visits before, and missed a day of work, as well, just like this time.  And take into account that I missed golf on Monday and Tuesday, and I’ve got InsideOut practice tonight (two gigs upcoming in September), and I’m running sound for a benefit at a local golf course this weekend, and well, I want the pain to just go away, mainly so I can “perform” at optimum levels for the remainder of the week and for the upcoming gigs.

But, funny things have been happening the last couple of days.  In the hours that I’ve been unable to do anything but lie flat on my back, I’ve realized how busy I’ve been this summer, and how much it’s been stressing me.  And, in that busy-ness, how much energy I’ve been expending in pain management/avoidance.  Finally, this morning, as I trudged into work, I realized how much emotional and physical energy I’m expending in either being anxious about upcoming events while I’m in this physical condition, or in actually physically trying to get comfortable while at my desk or lying in my bed or lying on the couch.  When I realized that this pain is part of the deal, my body and mind relaxed, and although I’m still quite uncomfortable sitting here typing this (yes, at work, I realize…it’s a slow day), I’m OK with it, whereas before, I was not.

And this can be applied to so many areas of my life.  How much energy do I spend avoiding embarrassment, emotional pain, and the biggie, abandonment (or what I perceive as potential abandonment)?  WAY TOO MUCH.  God is actually trying to thwart my attempts, because until I can go through these things (well, with Him, abandonment is not part of the deal, but anyway), I won’t grow, or learn to trust Him.  My safe little kingdom needs desperately to collide head on with HIS, and it’s for my own good.

Pain is part of the deal.  And in my case, the energy I spend trying to get out of this deal is much more detrimental to my soul than experiencing the pain itself.

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