Posted by: zephaniah317 | January 2, 2009


As I’ve pondered the last year during my week off from work this week – I GOTTA get back to my routine of in bed at 10, up at 6 before Monday or it’s gonna be a ROUGH first day back at work  🙂  – I’ve thought about all that God has revealed to me.  Mostly because it’s been a pretty boring year in my life, which is not necessarily a bad thing, just the truth.  I really loved working on A Terminal Christmas at my church, and playing out with my band, Inside Out, but other than that, nothing really earthshaking from an activity or occurrence standpoint.

So, I believe God brought to mind a lot of what I’ve been posting about:  how my parents and my mess of a marriage and the enemy and other things that happened in my life have shaped how I behave.  Notice I said “how I behave”, not “who I am”.  I AM a child of the Most High God, and nothing and no one on earth can ever change that, including myself (Romans 8:38-39).

I’ll detail my discoveries while attending my church’s Living Waters small group in later posts, but suffice it to say I’ve learned some important things about myself in the last few months.  But more importantly, this week, I learned that I was handling the information in a wrong perspective, and the knowledge wasn’t leading to healing, or at least not as fast as it could.

A friend of mine in Nashville put a post on her blog this past year entitled, “Need/Provision vs. Cause/Effect”.  You can read the entire post here, but here’s the paragraph that caught my eye:

God is the plumber who fixes your sink when he knows have no money to pay his bill – the accountant who gets your finances in order when you have no clue about how to do it yourself, and then does not take his cut.  God is not the plumber who brings you a wrench and then tells you to fix it yourself, nor the accountant who brings you a calculator and expects that is going to put you on a budget.  It is rare to find God this way, through the actions of people.  Therefore, we think it impossible that God is actually this way.  He must want something from us.  He only wants our choice, our need for Him. 

I know some of you read the paragraph above, and were a little put off.  I’m sure you thought, “Yes, but doesn’t God give us the tools we need to live our lives according to His will?  What about ‘teaching a man to fish instead of just giving him one’?”  YES, God teaches us to “fish”.  He teaches us that our only true provision comes through Him, and that fishing in any other water is only going to lead to a different kind of poverty – and that includes the waters of our own abilities.  Have you ever noticed how often God works through people in the Bible out of their inabilities?  The resumes of Bible heroes would not read so good.

And, I realized, I had come away with all of these discoveries in the past year, both through my relationship with God, and through Living Waters, and yet I was still trying to “fix myself” with the information.  I’m not sure where this attitude came from, whether my flesh or the enemy or some kind of programming I’ve received over the years, but yesterday, I thanked and praised God for all He has shown me, and I had a really great day doing nothing.  Just watching some football, taking a couple of naps, playing a while on the Xbox (yes, I have one now…more on that later, too).  There was a great reduction in “drivenness” as a result.

Bottom line…God shows us these things about ourselves not to bring shame or guilt, but to free us.  Ok, another line…God’s love is the only thing that can heal us.  Period.  I’ve probably posted that multiple times on this blog, ok fine, but I’m saying it again to help me to remember this time.  It’s almost as if I heard Him say, “Zeph, you want to know why you’re so driven, and feel so needy sometimes, and can’t seem to relate or connect to people like you think you should?  Well, it’s because of <this> and <this> and <this>.  That’s all.  Let me heal you of it by loving you as my son.  Accept me as your Father, and let’s go!”  Whereas I think the message previously was, however subconsciously, “Zeph, <these things> are what’s wrong with you.  Get it together.”  See the difference?

I hope anyone reading this can be freed of any guilt and shame because of their past, or in this case, any memories that God brings to mind for healing purposes that the enemy tries to come in and corrupt with a “now go and fix yourself” attitude.

So, Happy New Year everyone!  And, oh, yeah…


(Sugar Bowl, ‘Bama vs. Utah, tonight @ 8:00 pm, on FOX)  🙂


  1. yes, Z, the whole creation, incarnation, cross and resurrection is found in that difference…
    love you!

  2. May God richly bless you this year with continued perspective and freedom.

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